Special Event: Guanyin Bodhisattva blessing Ceremony (7/16 Sunday 1:30-3:00 pm)
Regular Class: Meditation Class (Every Friday 7:30-9:00 pm)
We are located in Missouri City and Sugar Land area. If you are interested in Zen Meditation, let us practice together. Feel free to contact Master Jian Dan if you have any questions.
6/30/2006
6/28/2006
The Bitter American Dream
These days I am busy in school. It's the reason I did not update the blog for a long time. I really feel guilty. There is an essay I wrote for my composition class. It seems too long for posting upon blog. However, I would like to share with you.
There is some of my experience of missioning in America. Yep, it is a little bitter, you can taste it....
The Bitter American Dream
Last week Charli’s mom, who is the member of my pervious meditation class, told me, “I, finally, understand she is American; not Chinese anymore”. I saw her eyes sparkled with profound distress. Nothing I can do, only gaze into her eyes try to seek something l have lost. I smiled bitterly. “Me too,” I murmur to myself. I know, no more, I can never go back. I recall once chatting with my high school ex-girlfriend on line. I told her, “I am an American now,” her replied was, “I am ashamed of you, why do you want to be an American? Your blood, your color, your thought, your behavior, everything about you represents a Chinese. Why do you want to lose who you are?” There was a moment of silence. I could not say anything. I blocked her account and shut down the computer. My eyes were moist, “Yes, I know, nevertheless, but I have to.” In my missionary path, I am honored to have a lot of chances to contact different families, most of them are immigrants. I feel their suffering in competing against this new society, and feel the struggle they fight and the pain they experience to convert themselves.
Since we were born in this world, we sought identification. Who am I? Who am I in the eyes of others? What should my attitude be like? There are two kinds of strength that force us to fit into this world. In the internal strength, we would seek the same as us, such as color, figure, and style. A disciple told me she saved a wounded bird before. After it recovered and grew up, it got along as well as family. Once it met another bird, it just left with it. I always play with a friend’s baby and he also likes to accompany with me. One time, there were another baby coming—I was ignored. There is a natural inner force leading us to go along with who looks and feels the same as ourselves.
In contrast, by the external strength we shape ourselves to correspond to a different specific group. If not, we would feel ashamed, uncomfortable or guilty to stay in that position. The movie In America, describes an Irish family who immigrates to America seeking for their America Dream. Their two girls attend the church’s Halloween party, they feel frustrated because of the clothes they are wearing are not as well as the others. “Everyone else bought their costumes.” “We don’t want to be different. We want to be the same as everybody else.”
The same as others, we try to adjust ourselves to fit the institution, culture and custom for identity. We wear and dress the same as others: jeans, T-shirt, suit, tie, polo shirt…etc. We take action the same as others. We think the same concept—just as me installing the Windows system in my computer. Sometimes we don’t have choice, because we need to be able to communicate in this community. You have to satisfy with what this society expects. I still remember when I was young; my mom forced me to use my right hand to write, because everybody is right-handed. If you are not the same, you are odd, strange, freakish, weird, and eccentric; you are queer. You are over.
As playing a game, you have to know the rules, this society as well. You must either get in this game or out into a different group. Public Enemy writes in their poem,
People people, we are the same
No we’re not the same
‘Cause we don’t
know the game
Most immigrants don’t know the rules of the game. They lose and get behind the society and only can combine with the same culture and become minority of America public. They lack the ability to communicate with main stream and chances to find a fair job. Some of them condescend to inappropriate works, a doctor to be a server in restaurant, an engineer to be an inventory stock worker in the factory. Such as Johnny, who is the leading role of In America, was an impersonator, but become a Taxi driver; his wife could not teach, thus, got a job in an ice parlor in their dream land, American and stuck in the lower middle-class of the society. They dread to people who live in hometown worry about them, they always hide the real condition and struggle. Every time my relatives, who live in America, visited my family in Taiwan, they always brought plenty of money and gifts for us. Until I visiting them when I move to the U.S, I realize what kind’s situation they faced. Even myself, eventually, did the same thing when I went back to visit my family. As a pioneer, you have to go alone, challenge the struggle by yourself.
All of immigrations’ memory of his hometown or culture was frozen at the moment he left his land. The culture he thought is never the same with the real living culture. Four years ago was my first time in Chinatown, It didn’t looks or feels like the place I come from. It seems like a place which emerges out of history, my grandma’s age. The original culture is died. As the movie In America, the whole family was suffering about their brother, Frankie, who died in an accident. The memory of Frankie lingers on as their live and the memory of their cultures surrounds with me. However, the original culture never came back, but I would create a new culture of myself, a culture mix my root and the experience of where I live. It is not his original culture anymore. Eric Liu, who is President Bill Clinton’s youngest speechwriter at his age twenty-five, mentioned, “For while it may be possible to transcend race, it is not always necessary to try. And while racial identity is sometimes a shackle, it is not only a shackle. I could nave spared my self a great deal of heartache had I understood this earlier, that the choice of race is not simply ‘embrace or efface.’” No matter how much times Michael Jackson have face-lifted, he is still identified a Black, but an Afro-American—a black was born in America. It is impossible to change our race, but when we immigrated, the blood of culture or race is mixed. You can not embrace the original culture anymore, nor efface it.
Once I accompanied a couple children, they asked me how old I am. “Four years old,” I answered. “You are kidding,” they said. “You lie, how you could only four years old.” They asked chattily. I really am four years old, I murmur to myself, “Yes, four years old American with Chinese blood.” I would create my own culture and create a new style Buddhism. Just as the ancestors spread the Buddhism from India into China and blend Chinese culture with the Buddhism teaching and become the Chinese style Buddhism.
Future would be better, for this reason people are willing to sacrifice for this dream. The first generation, especially Chinese, put their future on their children and wait for them to accomplish their American Dream. The parents always try their best to provide children with a good environment and force their kids to take on a higher education. They know it is the only chance for them to move from the class they are to a higher one. Eric who was accused of being a banana when he struggled to combat the stereotypes of Asian-American said, “I made my way onto what Calvin Trillin once described as the ‘magic escalator’ of a Yale education……Gradually, very gradually, I found that I was not so much of an outsider anymore. I found that by almost any standard, but particularly by the standards of my younger self, I was actually beginning to ‘make it.’” Most Asian parents know the education is one way to come off their stratum. Chinese children are always being forced to study while the others kids play outside after school. They are also being compelled to have tutor when others have fun on the weekends. They attends summer school when others go to summer camp. They bear more reasonability to accomplishing the preceding generation’s American Dream. After them integrate with the American culture, unfortunately, they become a traitor to his prime culture—they become an American in their parents’ perspective. Ten years ago, I renounced myself from mundane life to become an ordained Buddhist monk. Most lay friends renounced me too, because I was different with them. When I decided to leave my prime monastery and came to America finishing my education, I could not obtain any support and blessing. When you become different with them, you are a traitor of them.
At movie In America when the little girl, Ariel, first time said, “Cool” her sister can not accept and responded, “You’re American already. It’s disgusting.” Eric wrote, “…because class is the only thing Americans have more trouble talking about than race, a minority’s climb up the social ladder is often willfully misnamed and wrongly portrayed. There is usually, in the portrayal, a strong whiff of betrayal: the assimilist is a traitor to his kind, to his class, to his own family.” It is very contradiction emotion, such as Chirli’s parents immigrated to America and then argued with their daughter when she became an American. Actually, Chirli does never change her mind, she just alters herself to fit what her group requires. Every body is an immigrate in his life, when we were born in this world what we learned is acquired, not inherent. We sought a position assuming that we are. After we occupied this position, we refuse to do any adjustment and accept others change.
Change is difficult, that you have to fight to both of inside of yourself and outside’s pressure, but no one can help and only you can do so. In contrast, we can not ask others to change their mind so they match up with ours. However, we can open our mind to various people and accept their thoughts. Buddha taught us, “Enlightening, purifying your mind as a mirror.” The mirror can only truly reflect whatever thing that is in front of it, without preconceived, previous concept, and discrimination. If there is no attachment, it is easy to fit into different situation. Because of no preconception, we can make a just decision. Mateo, a black artist who looks unfriendly, violent, and HIV sufferer, is a conflicting person in the movie In America. In the Halloween night, the two girls, Ariel and Christy, go to trick or treat in Mateo’s apartment. Even Mateo’s front door marked “Keep Away”. Children are innocent, however, they don’t discriminate a lot, and their innocent mind melted Mateo’s sealed mind. On the other hand, their father, Johnny who was worried about them and accompanying with them to trick or treating, He did not trust him, in fact, he despised him. Even both Johnny and Mateo lie in the same lower class, however, the discrimination still exists between different color. It is hard to accept people who are different from us, especially the race or culture. Once I went to Galveston Bay with other two Masters (Buddhist monks), one of them saw a group dress as Punk—black leather, tattoo, piercing and wearing rings in their body… He looked at them amazed, “How weird they are,” he said. I smile bitterly, murmured, “Yep, me too. No one weirder than us now—three monks wear black robe walking in the Galveston.” As most immigrates, because of the misunderstand digging a huge gap between each other. Sometimes they are difficult to open their mind, most of time people are unwilling to know one another.
I use the black ink printed on pure paper with my words, Paper is white, ink is black; both of them help us communicating. Through the different colors ink, knowledge was imparted from generation to generation. Look out of window, the spotless blue splash and few lumps of white clouds float in the sky. Bright green drops on the ground and propagates the tree. After raining rainbow draw through the sky gaily and proudly. The variety of colors compose the nature view for the Earth. Different cultures interweave this varied society. Langston Hughes wrote,
I guess being colored doesn’t make me not like
the same things other folks
like who are other races.
So will my page be colored that I write?
Being
me, it will not be white.
But it will be
a part of you,
instructor.
You are white---
yet a part of me, as I am a part of you.
That’s
American.
Sometimes perhaps you don’t want to be a part of
me.
Nor do I
often want to be a part of you.
But we are, that’s
true!
“This world is a unit,” Buddha taught us. We can not discriminate which part we are, which they are. All of us are a part of this world.
In the end of In America the new-born baby was coming—giving a hope of future. Mateo passed away, but paid all of charge for the baby—the person who Johnny was scornful of gives him the most favor. Christy switched off the record of Frankie from her camcorder. “Bye Mateo.” “Bye Frankie.” “Bye Taiwan” I murmured to myself. Step out, life just begins.
Since we were born in this world, we sought identification. Who am I? Who am I in the eyes of others? What should my attitude be like? There are two kinds of strength that force us to fit into this world. In the internal strength, we would seek the same as us, such as color, figure, and style. A disciple told me she saved a wounded bird before. After it recovered and grew up, it got along as well as family. Once it met another bird, it just left with it. I always play with a friend’s baby and he also likes to accompany with me. One time, there were another baby coming—I was ignored. There is a natural inner force leading us to go along with who looks and feels the same as ourselves.
In contrast, by the external strength we shape ourselves to correspond to a different specific group. If not, we would feel ashamed, uncomfortable or guilty to stay in that position. The movie In America, describes an Irish family who immigrates to America seeking for their America Dream. Their two girls attend the church’s Halloween party, they feel frustrated because of the clothes they are wearing are not as well as the others. “Everyone else bought their costumes.” “We don’t want to be different. We want to be the same as everybody else.”
The same as others, we try to adjust ourselves to fit the institution, culture and custom for identity. We wear and dress the same as others: jeans, T-shirt, suit, tie, polo shirt…etc. We take action the same as others. We think the same concept—just as me installing the Windows system in my computer. Sometimes we don’t have choice, because we need to be able to communicate in this community. You have to satisfy with what this society expects. I still remember when I was young; my mom forced me to use my right hand to write, because everybody is right-handed. If you are not the same, you are odd, strange, freakish, weird, and eccentric; you are queer. You are over.
As playing a game, you have to know the rules, this society as well. You must either get in this game or out into a different group. Public Enemy writes in their poem,
People people, we are the same
No we’re not the same
‘Cause we don’t
know the game
Most immigrants don’t know the rules of the game. They lose and get behind the society and only can combine with the same culture and become minority of America public. They lack the ability to communicate with main stream and chances to find a fair job. Some of them condescend to inappropriate works, a doctor to be a server in restaurant, an engineer to be an inventory stock worker in the factory. Such as Johnny, who is the leading role of In America, was an impersonator, but become a Taxi driver; his wife could not teach, thus, got a job in an ice parlor in their dream land, American and stuck in the lower middle-class of the society. They dread to people who live in hometown worry about them, they always hide the real condition and struggle. Every time my relatives, who live in America, visited my family in Taiwan, they always brought plenty of money and gifts for us. Until I visiting them when I move to the U.S, I realize what kind’s situation they faced. Even myself, eventually, did the same thing when I went back to visit my family. As a pioneer, you have to go alone, challenge the struggle by yourself.
All of immigrations’ memory of his hometown or culture was frozen at the moment he left his land. The culture he thought is never the same with the real living culture. Four years ago was my first time in Chinatown, It didn’t looks or feels like the place I come from. It seems like a place which emerges out of history, my grandma’s age. The original culture is died. As the movie In America, the whole family was suffering about their brother, Frankie, who died in an accident. The memory of Frankie lingers on as their live and the memory of their cultures surrounds with me. However, the original culture never came back, but I would create a new culture of myself, a culture mix my root and the experience of where I live. It is not his original culture anymore. Eric Liu, who is President Bill Clinton’s youngest speechwriter at his age twenty-five, mentioned, “For while it may be possible to transcend race, it is not always necessary to try. And while racial identity is sometimes a shackle, it is not only a shackle. I could nave spared my self a great deal of heartache had I understood this earlier, that the choice of race is not simply ‘embrace or efface.’” No matter how much times Michael Jackson have face-lifted, he is still identified a Black, but an Afro-American—a black was born in America. It is impossible to change our race, but when we immigrated, the blood of culture or race is mixed. You can not embrace the original culture anymore, nor efface it.
Once I accompanied a couple children, they asked me how old I am. “Four years old,” I answered. “You are kidding,” they said. “You lie, how you could only four years old.” They asked chattily. I really am four years old, I murmur to myself, “Yes, four years old American with Chinese blood.” I would create my own culture and create a new style Buddhism. Just as the ancestors spread the Buddhism from India into China and blend Chinese culture with the Buddhism teaching and become the Chinese style Buddhism.Future would be better, for this reason people are willing to sacrifice for this dream. The first generation, especially Chinese, put their future on their children and wait for them to accomplish their American Dream. The parents always try their best to provide children with a good environment and force their kids to take on a higher education. They know it is the only chance for them to move from the class they are to a higher one. Eric who was accused of being a banana when he struggled to combat the stereotypes of Asian-American said, “I made my way onto what Calvin Trillin once described as the ‘magic escalator’ of a Yale education……Gradually, very gradually, I found that I was not so much of an outsider anymore. I found that by almost any standard, but particularly by the standards of my younger self, I was actually beginning to ‘make it.’” Most Asian parents know the education is one way to come off their stratum. Chinese children are always being forced to study while the others kids play outside after school. They are also being compelled to have tutor when others have fun on the weekends. They attends summer school when others go to summer camp. They bear more reasonability to accomplishing the preceding generation’s American Dream. After them integrate with the American culture, unfortunately, they become a traitor to his prime culture—they become an American in their parents’ perspective. Ten years ago, I renounced myself from mundane life to become an ordained Buddhist monk. Most lay friends renounced me too, because I was different with them. When I decided to leave my prime monastery and came to America finishing my education, I could not obtain any support and blessing. When you become different with them, you are a traitor of them.
At movie In America when the little girl, Ariel, first time said, “Cool” her sister can not accept and responded, “You’re American already. It’s disgusting.” Eric wrote, “…because class is the only thing Americans have more trouble talking about than race, a minority’s climb up the social ladder is often willfully misnamed and wrongly portrayed. There is usually, in the portrayal, a strong whiff of betrayal: the assimilist is a traitor to his kind, to his class, to his own family.” It is very contradiction emotion, such as Chirli’s parents immigrated to America and then argued with their daughter when she became an American. Actually, Chirli does never change her mind, she just alters herself to fit what her group requires. Every body is an immigrate in his life, when we were born in this world what we learned is acquired, not inherent. We sought a position assuming that we are. After we occupied this position, we refuse to do any adjustment and accept others change.
Change is difficult, that you have to fight to both of inside of yourself and outside’s pressure, but no one can help and only you can do so. In contrast, we can not ask others to change their mind so they match up with ours. However, we can open our mind to various people and accept their thoughts. Buddha taught us, “Enlightening, purifying your mind as a mirror.” The mirror can only truly reflect whatever thing that is in front of it, without preconceived, previous concept, and discrimination. If there is no attachment, it is easy to fit into different situation. Because of no preconception, we can make a just decision. Mateo, a black artist who looks unfriendly, violent, and HIV sufferer, is a conflicting person in the movie In America. In the Halloween night, the two girls, Ariel and Christy, go to trick or treat in Mateo’s apartment. Even Mateo’s front door marked “Keep Away”. Children are innocent, however, they don’t discriminate a lot, and their innocent mind melted Mateo’s sealed mind. On the other hand, their father, Johnny who was worried about them and accompanying with them to trick or treating, He did not trust him, in fact, he despised him. Even both Johnny and Mateo lie in the same lower class, however, the discrimination still exists between different color. It is hard to accept people who are different from us, especially the race or culture. Once I went to Galveston Bay with other two Masters (Buddhist monks), one of them saw a group dress as Punk—black leather, tattoo, piercing and wearing rings in their body… He looked at them amazed, “How weird they are,” he said. I smile bitterly, murmured, “Yep, me too. No one weirder than us now—three monks wear black robe walking in the Galveston.” As most immigrates, because of the misunderstand digging a huge gap between each other. Sometimes they are difficult to open their mind, most of time people are unwilling to know one another.
I use the black ink printed on pure paper with my words, Paper is white, ink is black; both of them help us communicating. Through the different colors ink, knowledge was imparted from generation to generation. Look out of window, the spotless blue splash and few lumps of white clouds float in the sky. Bright green drops on the ground and propagates the tree. After raining rainbow draw through the sky gaily and proudly. The variety of colors compose the nature view for the Earth. Different cultures interweave this varied society. Langston Hughes wrote,
I guess being colored doesn’t make me not like
the same things other folks
like who are other races.
So will my page be colored that I write?
Being
me, it will not be white.
But it will be
a part of you,
instructor.
You are white---
yet a part of me, as I am a part of you.
That’s
American.
Sometimes perhaps you don’t want to be a part of
me.
Nor do I
often want to be a part of you.
But we are, that’s
true!
“This world is a unit,” Buddha taught us. We can not discriminate which part we are, which they are. All of us are a part of this world.
In the end of In America the new-born baby was coming—giving a hope of future. Mateo passed away, but paid all of charge for the baby—the person who Johnny was scornful of gives him the most favor. Christy switched off the record of Frankie from her camcorder. “Bye Mateo.” “Bye Frankie.” “Bye Taiwan” I murmured to myself. Step out, life just begins.
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